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When Heather McNeill (LLB ’94) started law school in 1991, she was a 39-year-old single parent to her daughter, Shana, who was 16. She wanted a better life for herself and Shana, and she knew education was the answer. McNeill recently retired after working as a staff lawyer at Dalhousie Legal Aid Clinic for 21 years. In honour of Mother’s Day, we asked her to share some of the wisdom she gleaned during her law school years—and from her own mother.

What were the challenges of being a single parent and a student?

The two biggest challenges were my daughter’s health and finances. Shana became gravely ill in my second year. My priority was her and her health: many doctors and specialist appointments, tests, a month-long hospital admission. I would stay late in Shana’s hospital room and study while she rested or slept. It was a rough time for both of us. I couldn’t get to all of my classes during that time and considered a deferment. But somehow, we got through it, and we are both glad we hung in there.

Money was another concern. I was fortunate to have my First Nation band, Millbrook First Nation, support me financially through law school. To offset my band funding, I would work on different projects to pick up extra money for those things that were over and above the basics.

How did your mother influence you when you became a parent?

Watching my dear mother, Margaret, rest her soul, raising me and my five siblings prepared me to be a mother. I was blessed to observe the love and care she gave each of us, showing no favoritism. My mom was my role model. She had a hard life yet rarely complained. She was a humble woman and gave much of herself to others despite having little to give. She was not university educated, but to me she was the most educated of all of us. She taught me and my siblings how to be good human beings—to give, to help, to seek to understand. So, when I got pregnant at 20, it was my mom I went to for advice and to share my feelings about the future.

What advice would you give to law students who have a child or are expecting their first baby?

Take your children to school with you when you can, depending on their age and the time that’s available to you. When I was in undergrad, I used to bring Shana for the first 15 minutes of my psychology class every week so she could see what I did when I wasn’t with her. Tell your children about what you are studying, perhaps an interesting (but not scary) case. Introduce them to some of your professors and classmates so they can see that you go to school like they do and have teachers and friends.

Let your children know that they are the most important thing in your life, but that law school is also important. Carve out special time just for them. Have a back-up plan (babysitters) for when something messes up the regular day-to-day care of your kids and you really must go to class, or find time to study, or write an exam. Have a strict schedule that you build in time for your studies, downtime for you, quality time with your partner and your children—then stick to it whenever possible.

Make sure your finances are in place at the beginning of each school year. If the pressures get to be too much, seek help from family, friends, your professors, or student support services. Believe in your ability to get through law school with your children in one piece! When you finish, consider an employer that values your dual role as a highly qualified lawyer and a parent, and that fosters that identity and will support you throughout your career.  

What has motherhood taught you that helps you be a better lawyer?

Motherhood has taught me that sometimes you must make hard choices, whether that’s a decision affecting your children or a decision on a file. I have also learned to be more patient and to listen to what’s important to my child and to my clients without casting judgment. Shana and I have always had a good relationship (well, most of the time!), and we laugh a lot. This has inspired me to bring some lightness into conversations with my clients, to lessen the gloomy feelings they often experience in family and child protection files. Sometimes it works.

In law, like in parenting, we reach out when we don’t know something. I would ask my mother many questions about child rearing. I did the same in law as I grew into the practice. I would reach out to those who were more experienced, and I never had anyone along my journey who wouldn’t help.

Being a mother has also taught me that all work and no play makes Heather the Lawyer a not-so-fun parent. Motherhood has taught me to take some time for myself even when my work was piling up. I know that’s easy to say, but it is so important for a practicing lawyer’s good physical and mental health. It heartens the soul at home and at work.